I thought it was an EZ-Pass

Believing that the outcome will forever be the same, although the way of traveling to that place is flexible to change, may cause the decision to be a difficult one.

That's Mt Washington --- on the summit of Mt Willey January 2018

Floating along the path that has been laid out, feeling the powerful sensation of heaviness within movement, while surrounded by the lives of all others. Surviving and breathing, engulfed by many thick and strong experiences guiding the choice, the choice to say yes or no, stay present or walk away. When asked how things are, the response comes from the quick snap of auto fill in, although recently becoming aware of this automatic reaction, the story line within my mind now has a one second window to react with the truth. Sometimes the truth sounds like silence, while other times the sound may mimic laughter. Truth; a choice that takes raw and real emotions to discover the courage to speak, while staying respectful and humble. This word is so powerful, for if everyone worked towards speaking the truth, where would we be as a community of humans? Modeling; an act of living that provides the opportunity for others to see behaviors that you want to reinforce. Model speaking the truth, because once speaking the truth becomes automatic, then the truth speaker draws like-minded humans into their circle of being. This just continues, like the ripple in your coffee once the last drop falls into the mug, which holds the possibility of beautiful outcomes, all starting with the actions of people.

A new year filled with so many new experiences. The overpowering energy since the beginning of 2018, has been that “life is hard”, “I don’t know what to do”, “I’m breathing”….ha. Now, as a major transition within my life is about to occur, I look back at what was taking over my mindset and how quickly life moved towards that comfortable route of negatively speaking and selfishly thinking. Here comes a time when actively working towards believing in the choices being made now, will draw my mindset back to the present. Feeling my feet rooting into the ground, staying connected with this center I know so very well, followed by the shakiness resulting from the courage to explore past comfort. There will always be moments within life that work towards tearing and ripping, yet recently I have been getting curious about just riding the immensely challenging wave of emotions and see where the path will lead. Strength, courage, self love, support and staying centered are some ingredients towards creating a recipe of living—living aware, present and now.

Plan the journey, pack the necessities, follow through —Independent and stubborn all while craving the opportunity to share my mind and experiences. It started with my connection to hiking, solo hiking that is. The past year I have grown more aware of the feelings I was developing towards hiking solo. While trudging through New Hampshire’s White Mountains for an overnight, I deeply felt the urge to depart the second day in—later to discover I was fueled by my sadness of hiking solo and being denied the opportunity to share the experience with someone else. How interesting it is to be the one who chose the path of isolation that lead directly to the discomfort of isolation. I guess in this experience, I’ve discovered that sometimes you know what you don’t want, because you followed the path that was supportive once before.

Remember that time I hiked 1,100 miles? Well that was done “independently”. Immediately after wrapping up that experience, I discovered and then created a life perpendicular to how I previously lived. Minimalistic; in the middle of the woods, challenging tasks and independently being, then transitioned towards finding love within this smurff life, which so closely resembles my chapter before Vermont. As I work towards discovering who I am and what I’m doing, the challenge of staying centered and true must stay strong during the path out of comfort.

Driving to Montreal, Canada — in the zone. Followed by the sirens, guards and embarrassment. Oh hey, I guess that wasn’t an EZ-Pass, more like the Canadian boarder, my bad!Entering Canada set the tone for the following moments in this new land, which breathed the sounds of laughter. How wild to be experiencing a culture I had only ever traveled to once before, which had always been so very close—how bizarre, now climbing with strong ladies and laughing with some friends. Saying yes to new experiences, while stepping out of my comfort zone of isolation, which no longer serves as a support to the happiness of my life.

Hiking around NH on New Years Eve in -30 temps ::: frozen eyelashes, eyebrows and eyeballs.

As I string these words together I am curious, do you also discover points within your day in which you discover extreme discomfort, fear, sadness or frustration? Are there times when recognizing and confronting these emotions provide relief and happiness? I’m discovering that this exploration through all the parts of my life brings challenges unlike any other, yet I continue to explore. Maybe I will wake up one day recognizing that tumbling around with every part of my mind will lead to a pure sense of wholeness. Memories are tucked away, locked in a triple walled vault, dipped in metal to be covered in an indestructible case. These memories that cause pain in one way if left alone, leads to pain in another form when acknowledged.

I welcome these days of happiness and strength. Strength to always be myself and never think twice about what someone may think of my actions or choices. Since striving to live in a wholehearted and supportive way, I wish only success and love for all those who are here. To you, to me, to this planet, to life.


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